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The Death of Me

by Alice Dreamt

/
1.
my big words, yea my innocence speaking "i will build you a house, i will live next to it" i will catch the reaper and the wolf in the flock but i never became a carpenter so they're lying in wait, always promising it always are and are not yet upon us and all that i ever wanted was all the world, all of the world for you all of those little things that you never got, i would give you and all that i ever wanted was to see you, was to see you happy and yeah i can't say for sure that there's a God, so i'll be him can't recall exactly when i stopped caring i just got overwhelmed, i just got sick of it isn't it strange that all my heroes killed themselves? but i'm not, no i'm not giving up yet "i will build you a house, i will live next to it" even if it's the only thing i do
2.
Caterpillars 03:43
There will come a day when your safety blanket can't stay safe all the friends that you loved and your old haunts, will have to change but that's a necessary thing that comes with growing older and caterpillars are ugly before they're really something everybody hurts everybody's living in fear everybody thinks, that everyone else sees everything clear but that's a necessary thing that comes with growing older and caterpillars are ugly before they're really something go away, if only for one day things you lost and things you tried to make stay There will come a day when your safety blanket can't stay safe all the friends that you loved and your old haunts, will have to change cuz that's a necessary thing that comes with growing older and caterpillars are ugly before they're really something
3.
Das Gemeine 02:50
heard he burned out long before the flame kissed the wick learn to love and romanticize the end of it on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love drives me completely insane never want to say goodbye to my heart racing an orgasm in the chest and soul, echoing on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love drives me completely insane always kept in motion by the notion that there may lie a home somewhere in between beauty and brutality in the hand of it's architect holding but not holding back find a place where pleasure lies strike hard and splinter the mind on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love drives me completely insane
4.
sometimes i want to spread eagle on the train tracks sometimes i want to give the reaper a break but my mortal drive, keeps me alive even when i can't get myself out of bed and even when i wish everyone would just fuck off my mortal drive, keeps me alive it keeps me going even if i don't want that when i get sad i tell my problems to my songs really pretty melodies make real good headstones my mortal drive, keeps me alive it keeps me going even if i don't want that
5.
i'm just like giles corey, sentenced to death i got this burden placed upon my heart, every single day yea i got scar upon scar on my self-worth it's barely recognizable even to my own self and every evening, it's there for me and every morning after it failed to kill me cuz im stubborn as all hell, i won't die yet and i'm addicted to the feeling of losing total control i got the fleeting feeling nothing's real i got the butterflies for no reason at all oh yea and every evening, i'm scared to death and every morning, it gets a little worse i'm just like giles corey, crushed to death and i have many hatreds in my heart, all full to bursting but im not really hateful, i just hurt i just had my rose glasses all scratched up, at least they look good so every evening, i go to bed and every morning so on, until i can't
6.
Time to Time 02:55
do you accept me if i hate myself? do you accept me if i'm nothing else? do you accept me if i'm killing time? do you accept if i just stay alive? even if i, break down inside know that i do try from time to time will you accept me if i get fucked up? will you accept me if i never talk? will you accept me if i want to die? will you accept me if i don't know why? even if i, break down inside know that i do try from time to time even if i, forget to cry know that i do want to stay alive do you accept me if i hate myself? do you accept me if i'm nothing else? do you accept me if i at least try? will you accept that i want to survive?
7.
Gift of Life 02:22
sometimes i fucking lose my mind dont you know i love that there's just too many ways to die body's a china shop i want my brain to stop at night cuz this is hell on earth oh yea for the first time in my life i understand suicide it's our cross to bear this gift of life and it has promise but it's as sharp as a knife against your hands sometimes i want to fucking die but i never get to it i know life has no real meaning so i must impart it and so i keep this body warm cuz it's my only one my mortal engine, my ball and chain this bittersweet struggle it's our cross to bear this gift of life and it has promise but it's as sharp as a knife against your hands
8.
echo on, the snapping of a twig or of a tree trunk, both die out into the woods you'd like to think that we're like this for good that i can defy the urge of chaos to assert control and then one day it's cut from you and then one day your personal belief system don't cut it cuz it's uncaring and it's cold no matter if you're happy, if you're sad, you will get sadder and there's no running from this world cuz it is everything yea, it's logical and forever [chorus] and it's something you've always known but never could find the courage to look over your shoulder
9.
hold my hand through the darkest of all nights when i don't want to keep being a burden to people high above and yea way far out of sight where my mind is only a segment, the one of many if breathing is like a flower then pick the petals until she loves me and i love myself to reach a point where you blossom well only fools will ever find themselves satisfied hold my hand when i'm shivering inside when i need someone to tell me that it's not for nothing tell me truths, and failing that tell me lies just keep my mind from making its own halos if breathing is like a flower then pick the petals until she loves me and i love myself to reach a point where you blossom well only fools will ever find themselves satisfied i thought i saw you yeah in this dream i had you were an angel oh christ, i'd never been that glad i know it's probably me protecting myself if i can believe hope lives then i can stick around

about

it is what it is

album cover by 冬寄 かいり
twitter.com/huyuyori_2

performance/writing/recording/mixing/mastering done by me

All Those Little Things (MUSIC VIDEO) -
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee4ZJWRlGqM

Caterpillars (MUSIC VIDEO) -
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NE0FAWQHXQo

credits

released January 15, 2021

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Alice Dreamt Detroit, Michigan

pretend popstar
booking: booking@alicedreamt.com

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